Carry On Carter
by AvengersBarnes
Summary: Steve fell off the train with Bucky and now Peggy is left to process her feelings without her dearest friend. A Cartinelli One-shot


**This is an extra chapter for The First Mistake, set after Chapter 10 (or technically 9 because prologue). It would be beneficial to read that first if you haven't already. **

**For those that haven't read it and don't want to then I'll sum up what you need to know (spoilers for TFM below)**

**Steve and Bucky are in an established relationship. Angie is a nurse during the war but will return to New York after the war to follow her dreams of being an actress. The boys are not dead, they will be rescued but this chapter is set before Peggy knows that so she believes they are dead, a bit like when Steve goes in the ice.**

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Peggy's day had been going well before the Howling Commandos had returned to camp. She had finished all her paper work and submitted her report back to her commanding officer at the SSR. It felt good to finally have a mission where she was respected and was doing some proper work, not just fetching lunch for her male colleagues. All in all she had felt pretty good.

One look at the Commandos turned her world upside down. Steve and Bucky were nowhere to be seen and there was a haunted look in their eyes.

Something had gone wrong.

"What do you mean they fell off the train?" Peggy was stunned. The Howling Commandos returned from the mission successful but broken. They had trudged into camp, the soldiers lined up to greet them as always, but without their leader. Sergeant Dugan was carrying Steve's shield and they all were deathly pale with dark circles around their eyes. Peggy's heart had sunk. They'd known this mission was dangerous but Steve had pushed the Colonel hard to get the go ahead. They needed Zola's intel and Steve was certainly motivated by his own personal revenge against the Swiss Scientist for what he did to Bucky.

But Steve couldn't be dead.

Not that small fire cracker from Brooklyn that Erskine had picked up at the fair. Not the man who had gone through hell just to save Erskine and the formula from Schmidt's dirty paws. Not the awkward idiot who could barely talk to a woman without blushing yet had no trouble luring Sergeant Barnes to his tent each night.

And Bucky too.

It was too much. These men had been so vibrant and Peggy's life was so much better for knowing them. Steve's unexpected friendship had been the missing puzzle piece in a hole that Peggy hadn't even realised was there. She had been so career driven, fighting the men in her life to gain even an ounce of respect that she hadn't even paused to make friends. Howard was an exception but they had been colleagues before they were friends and he'd tried his hardest to woo her before he'd accepted, with the help of a kick to the groin, that it was never going to happen. Steve though. Steve had immediately recognised the difficulty she faced. He'd known what it was like to walk through life without anyone looking twice at you. He'd known what it was like to fight every day for something you believe in. He'd treated her like a person.

And now he was gone.

Never again would they have late night conversations by the fireside when the other commandos were asleep.

Never again would Peggy receive a perfectly sketched drawing of Angie on her desk on the back of an old army leaflet.

Never again would she see the boys laughing and lighting up the entire camp when one or the other make a stupid joke.

God she really hated war. It took the kindest men first.

"I found the shield. No sign of Cap or Sarge. The side of the carriage had been blown off. I'm sorry Peggy. No one could survive that fall. Not even Captain America" Private Jones replied sombrely. His face was gaunt and the rest of the team were stoically standing behind him. "The last thing I heard on the radio was him screaming Bucky's name. I think…" Jones' voice cracked and tears fell from his eyes.

"We think Barnes fell first." Falsworth finished and looked down at the ground.

"Steve jumped?" Peggy whispered. Her heart was breaking, she couldn't even begin to imagine what he must have felt watching Bucky fall from the carriage. Had he even had a chance to grieve before he followed his lover, or had it been pure instinct. She wasn't sure what was worse.

"We can't say for certain but their last conversation would suggest that." Falsworth had taken over as spokesman for the group. The others were still too choked up to talk.

"You're dismissed. Go back to your tents and try to get some rest. We'll debrief in the morning." Peggy's own voice was starting to shake but she was a professional and this wasn't the first soldier she had lost. The men trailed out of the tent and Peggy slumped into her chair, letting the tears fall.

She cried until there were no more tears. She cried hard and she cried ugly. Steve was never meant to die. He should still be at home in Brooklyn. He was never meant for war.

"Peggy!" A voice cut through her grieving. "Oh darling." Arms wrapped around her shoulders and her face buried into the grubby nurse's uniform. Her hair was starting to fall out of it's pins and she was sure her make up was smudged but she was passed caring. This was her time to grieve.

"It's alright English. I got you. It's gonna be ok sweetheart." Angie cooed into her hair.

They sat in the cold tent until the sun set over the horizon. Angie never asked Peggy for an explanation, or pushed her for details on the accident. She just held her in her arms with her fingers gently stroking Peggy's hair and whispering words of comfort in her ear. Peggy heart felt numb by the time they pulled apart. It wasn't the first soldier she'd lost but it was the first friend and it hit her harder than expected.

"Thank you." She pressed her lips to Angie's cheek and laced their fingers together. "I'm sorry you had to see that." Peggy sighed.

"Sweetheart, no. Don't apologise." Angie kissed her hand and sighed. "I'm here if you wanna talk about it."

Peggy smiled weakly and kissed Angie's forehead. "I know love." She did want to talk but it was too soon, the grief was too fresh. If she tried to explain it now then she was certain she would start crying again and there were no more tears left in her, not tonight. Her head was pounding from the dehydration and her eyes were puffy and sore. She needed to sleep but she couldn't fathom the silence of her lonely tent right now.

"I've gotta get back to work. Helen is covering for me. When I heard the news I just knew I had to make sure you were ok. You and Steve were close." Angie pressed their foreheads together. Peggy knew she should probably pull away. They were too close. The Colonel could interrupt them at any time but her emotions were drained and she craved her girlfriend's touch like the air they breathe.

"Barnes was your friend too." Peggy whispered. "They both were." God she felt like an idiot. She wasn't the only one that needed time to grieve. Yet here she was bawling her eyes out as if she was Steve's only friend in the world. She'd forgotten that Angie had already saved Bucky's life on more than one occasion when he got injured on the field and it had been Angie that had comforted Bucky when the two boys had separated after the kissing incident.

"I know Doll, but I guess I see a lot of death in the medical bay. It all blurs into one." Angie spoke quietly and glanced down at the floor as she pulled away.

There was a haunted look in her face that Peggy had never noticed before. Angie had always been so bubbly. The light in the darkness that was war. She was always dancing to unheard music or singing music hall numbers to brighten up the days of those who were risking their lives on the field. She had never once shown how much the war was affecting her. Never once broken the joyful facade she wore each day. How had Peggy been so blind? Her beautiful, smart, funny girlfriend was watching Soldiers die in her care every damn day and Peggy had never even stopped to think.

"I'll get you out of there darling. You were meant for more than this." Peggy took her girlfriend's face in her hands and kissed her pretty pink lips. Angie smiled but shook her head.

"I'll go home when the time is right. They need me now." Angie smiled brightly and the mask was back up. "Maybe once this is all over you'll find me on Broadway. That's the dream Sweetheart."

"To have your name in lights." Peggy smiled fondly.

"My own dressing room with a lavish bouquet of flowers from all the suitors falling at my feet." Angie giggled.

"Oh really? Should I be jealous?" Peggy reached up and tucked a loose ringlet behind Angie's ear.

Angie smirked and leant in to whisper in her ear. "English, there ain't a man in the universe that could hold a candle to you."

Peggy's heart fluttered and she pulled Angie into a blistering kiss. She was still hurting, the pain in her chest still burning brightly but Angie made it manageable. She was a welcome distraction to her grief and Peggy was overwhelmed by her love for this quirky American actress. "My darling, I love you." She whispered against Angie's lips.

"I love you too English, but I gotta go." Angie kissed her again and pulled away. They held hands for a moment before Angie sighed and turned to the exit. Her fingers trailed up the palm of Peggy's hand as they reluctantly parted.

Peggy sighed, she was alone once more in the briefing tent. The large map stood in the centre of the floor. She could still almost see Steve leaning over it with Barnes by his side, fighting Colonel Phillips on some suicidal mission that would give them the advantage if they succeeded. Nothing was too risky for Captain America. Steve was determined to be the hero the world thought he was and he never lost that reckless fighting spirit he had from years of fighting on the streets of Brooklyn. Bucky would always stand stoically by his side. He would never argue against Steve's ridiculous plans in front of Phillips but Peggy would almost always hear them argue about it outside Steve's tent later on. With one last glance at the map she left the tent and went back to her own. The perks of being an Agent with the SSR was that she had her own tent.

Sleep did not come easy. She had nightmares, like every other soldier that was based at their camp. The nightmares varied but tonight's dreams all consisted of one thing, the train. She dreamt that it was on the train, watching as Sergeant Barnes flew out of the side of the carriage. She pleaded with Steve to stay with her, that he could be happy without Bucky but he was already ghostly pale and fading away. His skin was almost skeletal as he shook his end.

"This is my choice" His voice echoed before he disappeared into the frozen valley below. Peggy screamed as he fell and she woke up in a cold sweat to the sound of her own screams.

The shivered and quickly pulled her hair into a more respectable style. She would never let the outside see how torn up she was on the inside. She would present her normal flawless self and she would carry on. That was what the British were known for after all.

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**Tada! Basically this was supposed to be a small section in Chapter 11 of TFM but it grew to be a Cartinelli One-Shot and it didn't really fit in with the rest of the chapter but I didn't want it to go to waste. **

**Follow me on tumblr avengersbarnes for more Stucky and MCU fun! As well as little sneak peaks of my writing adventures.**


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